Pepperstuck: The Only Hemospectrum Headcanon You’ll Ever Need for the Rest of Your Life
endreal:
Are you ready?
Now bear with me guys, because this is mind-blowing. Revolutionary.
Get this: The trolls are
sentient plants.
And the color (colour?) of their blood is related to how spicy they are.
Like how Feferi is really sweet but sometimes disagreeable but basically not spicy at all so she’s got blood that looks more like cupcake icing than a plant. Or a flower. I don’t know. Flowers are cool.
And then Eridan is all eggplant-y and stuff, which is why no one likes him - because eggplants vaguely look like peppers but they don’t taste like them at all so bluh bluh forevver alone
And then from there you go through Gamzee who is too stoned to realize he’s supposed to be a pepper and is totally chill with it until he runs out of sopor slime (fertilizer!?!?!?!?????) and realizes how much of a travesty he is and goes into a murderous rampage
and vriska who is actually secretly a blueberry and that is why she’s always trying to prove how great she is because blueberries are itty bitty (and also non peppers) so she has like a Napoleon complex or something.
And Terezi is actually just unflavored jell-o because you can put in any flavor you want when you make it and that’s why she likes licking other trolls
and from there you go through shades of green and yellow and red (except for tavros who is brown like a gourd and that is why he has self-esteem issues)
and just like real peppers, the trolls get spicier the lower down on the hemospectrum you go (green-yellow-red).
And then Karkat
Karkat is ornery for the same reason habaneros, naga viper peppers, and infinity chilli peppers are red.
Karkat has too much capsaicin in his blood.
Ahahaha, remember this, guys?
*L1CK* YOUR H41R TAST3S GOOD.

Anonymous
Thank you, Terezi-anon. ^///^
Pepperstuck: The Only Hemospectrum Headcanon You’ll Ever Need for the Rest of Your Life
Are you ready?
Now bear with me guys, because this is mind-blowing. Revolutionary.
Get this: The trolls are
sentient plants.
And the color (colour?) of their blood is related to how spicy they are.
Like how Feferi is really sweet but sometimes disagreeable but basically not spicy at all so she’s got blood that looks more like cupcake icing than a plant. Or a flower. I don’t know. Flowers are cool.
And then Eridan is all eggplant-y and stuff, which is why no one likes him - because eggplants vaguely look like peppers but they don’t taste like them at all so bluh bluh forevver alone
And then from there you go through Gamzee who is too stoned to realize he’s supposed to be a pepper and is totally chill with it until he runs out of sopor slime (fertilizer!?!?!?!?????) and realizes how much of a travesty he is and goes into a murderous rampage
and vriska who is actually secretly a blueberry and that is why she’s always trying to prove how great she is because blueberries are itty bitty (and also non peppers) so she has like a Napoleon complex or something.
And Terezi is actually just unflavored jell-o because you can put in any flavor you want when you make it and that’s why she likes licking other trolls
and from there you go through shades of green and yellow and red (except for tavros who is brown like a gourd and that is why he has self-esteem issues)
and just like real peppers, the trolls get spicier the lower down on the hemospectrum you go (green-yellow-red).
And then Karkat
Karkat is ornery for the same reason habaneros, naga viper peppers, and infinity chilli peppers are red.
Karkat has too much capsaicin in his blood.
Scourge Sisters
I think that maybe the reason Terezi and Vriska got along so well, at least at the beginning, was because they thought their unique forms of manipulation were doing the same things - changing fortune.
As they grew older and became more familiar and comfortable with their powers, and then entered the SGRUB session, they began to realize how different the two really were.
At one point in Homestuck, Light is equated with luck, and Mind is equated with probabalistic causation. Vriska’s role as the Light hero allows her to “stack the deck” against her enemies by controlling their luck (their probabilities of success) through supernatural means. Terezi’s role as the Mind hero allows her to assess probabilities of success in every situation (including, presumably, those which are being manipulated by the Light hero) and choose the best course of action so that (in the words of Doc Scratch) “[a] true Seer would know where luck is a given, where it is absent, and most importantly, where it doesn’t matter at all.”
tl;dr - where luck is concerned, Terezi giveth and Vriska taketh away.
yoshiie:
What have I done?
b…before I saw the markings on the mask, I thought this was a Homestuck/Inspector Gadget crossover. I almost fell over!
This one is good too, though. :-D